In case you didn’t notice, it’s Valentine’s Day today — and while some people are using this opportunity to go on boring dates with other humans, others have more grand ambitions. They’re going full-hilt and dating weapons!
Boyfriend Dungeon is shockingly out today for PS5, and that means today is the first time many people are exploring the unique pleasure of sword smooching.
To be fair, I don’t actually judge people who date humans. My own husband is a human. That being said, there’s something uniquely thrilling about first defeating some monsters together, and then taking that hot sword out on the town. Work hard, play hard, right?
But you have to be careful! Swords are dangerous if handled without respect. Follow these handy tips when dating your weapon, to avoid hurting yourself or others.
DO: Respect your weapon’s boundaries and range
Keep an open mind. Daggers like to be up-close and personal. Polearms need a bit more space. It sounds like common sense, but it can be confusing when weapons either pull you in or push you away, especially if you’ve just come out of a long-term wieldership.
Similarly, some weapons are fine with being picked up by any wielder, while others need a bit longer to build trust and commit to a sheath. When in doubt, ask whether it’s OK to grab someone’s hilt. It’s also worth briefly double-checking your assumptions about how deep into the dungeon they want to go that night, so you’re both on the same page.
DO: Plan around your weapon’s interests
Many beginning wielders assume that since they’re in the driver’s seat in combat, they should also make the decisions about when and where to go for fun. Know that weapons appreciate being considered in the planning, and may even have ideas of their own!
There’s nothing wrong with a dungeon-dinner date as a starter, but after that, you’ll probably find more success in romance by playing to your combat partner’s hobbies and personality. If they’re a dancing sword, maybe they’d prefer going to the club or a salsa night. If they’re an axe, maybe they’d like a hike in the woods. A lasersaber might want a cozy night in, to recharge their batteries. Get creative!
DO: Respect weapon-blacksmith confidentiality
If your weapon gets chipped, dinged, or just plain broken, don’t panic. From a young age, weapons usually develop a unique and personal relationship with their blacksmith, who helps them with repairs as needed. It’s normal for a wielder to get insecure once they realize the intimacy a blacksmith has with their weapon, but just remind yourself that everyone needs a doctor sometimes. The heat of their forge has no influence on the heat in the bedroom!
DON’T: Compare your weapon to famous swords
We all know and love the Masamune or Excalibur, but it can be awkward and off-putting for your new armament to feel they have to measure up to these legendary weapons! Besides, not all weapons are even bladed. Hammers, brass knuckles, and maces for example might never have the same mass appeal as swords, and they shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed or apologetic for their blunt natures.
DON’T: Surprise-gift a whetstone
Whetstones are a deeply meaningful gift reserved for lifelong commitments between wielders and weapons. Always talk about choices like whetstones together long before you act on it to avoid any misunderstandings.
Now go, wielders! The relationship that slays together stays together. Boyfriend Dungeon is waiting for you at PlayStation Store!